A good night

So here I am sitting in my bed with nothing but a big old grin on my face. tonight was a night of learning how to deal with what I don't have and also seeing that it is out there for me.

I went to Courthouse Coffee with Eric and his girlfriend Mel. She was very nice, but I have to admit that she seems to remind me a whole lot of myself on many levels. We talked about everything, school, work, religion, church politics, and just about anything else that we could come up with.

I drank coffee and wasted a Friday night just like the way things used to be and it felt wonderful. I know that there are times that I feel like I don't have anything to lay claim to but in reality I do. I have great friends like Eric who aren't going anywhere no matter what I do or how stupid it may seem. I am in a relationship that has some serious potential but I am also willing to admit that it may not work and if it does it will be because we have put so much work into it.

My new job isn't bad, however, it isn't what I want to do and I wish I could get a place in Fort Wayne where I could live comfortably and be happy and most importantly away from my mother but so far no luck on that front. I know that these things will come but right now they seem so far away.

Well all I need to sleep a bit.

Changes

So life is all about things changing and there are times that it hurts to know that everything around you in changing even on small levels yet still it happens.

I got a phone call, one I knew was coming sooner or later but it still showed me what I lack when it comes to my age and where I am headed in my life. Elaina is having a baby and I am so happy for her but still here I sit unable to decided on a relationship, childless, and still in school. I work in a grocery store so my 'personal' life is now pretty much nonexistent when it comes to that.

There are things I want that I see those around me getting and it hurts. I know I shouldn't be jealous and really I'm not, I'm so happy for them and all the things that they have. They just choose different roads to getting them than I did and on a learning curve prospective I am 'running behind' those who are in the same group I am.

So what am I babbling about I don't really know. I just want to grow up and be like all the other kids and yet I am still very much me and very much alone.

In other news family reunion went off with slightly less drama than normal. No one screamed, and the food wasn't to bad. My grandma is still a nag and great grandma is crazy but I knew that going into the deal so no real shocks there. Got to see my cuz even though just for a few minutes, I sure do love her and miss her something awful.

Everyone have a good night.

3:43 Am

I sit here a long time between post and I am forced to ponder a question. Where the heck did my childhood go? I turn 24 today therefore I am no longer a teenager nor am I traditional college student. I'm not living a family life nor do I see one in my immediate future although there was a time not to long ago that I did.

So today I am one year older...No big deal this is just another in a long line of birthdays that I have known were coming sooner or later. I will go to work, just like any other day and I will get frustrated.

Where am I in life...WOW good question. I am sure I will ponder it out in its entirety sooner or later.