A Long Road

The last couple of weeks has not been easy for me or for my emotions. I know that there are those who are not aware of how I am feeling. I have had several ups and downs battling depression and the manic state that goes with it.

My relationship has hit some rough spots to say the least. We are talking about ending it or if we have been together long enough to fight for what we have built. I know that the next few months are going to be rough and there will be speedbumps along the way but for some reason the last two weeks have been horrible for me. I even went as far as to plan a trip to get away from all the crap and get on a plane and leave town, however I never left to board the plane in the first place.

Family life has been rough for me as well. My mother is about to drive me crazy and my brother is not the brightest bulb in the box. I just want my stuff back from him and he doesn't seem to get it and by stuff I do mean my car which I haven't gotten to drive in over a year since his wreck. When he took the car it was to only be for a couple of weeks and here I sit over a year later and I still don't have my car and there appears to be no sign of me getting it back in the near future although I did tell my mom that she needs to buy it from me so I can go get something new for myself or she needs to find a way to get Kyle his own car.

I have looked at several houses in Fort Wayne in an attempt to find my own place and be a bit happier. I know that I do better when I am not around my mom all of the time. She just has this way of pushing all my buttons even when I try to fight it off with all I have in me. She knows that I have no willingness to deal with but still insists on being a Bitch much of the time and then she seems proud and boasts about how she is one and that drives me crazy.

I am sure I will be fine but right now it feels like I am fighting for everything that I have and I am getting to keep nothing.