New feelings

There aren't many times that I can say this and I think that is part of what makes it so hard for me to do so. I have found someone that I can trust, I can cry in front of, be irrational in front of, act like a brat toward and yet they want to be a part of my life and be around and be there for me. I don't know how to handle it all it is a new and different place for me to be.

Yesterday I went to work then to Fort Wayne to see a friend. We spent an hour or so together at his house just talking and then he did the one thing that caught me the most off guard, he wrapped his arms around me and held me close while I cried and it felt great to know that if nothing more he cared even though I struggle to accept people when the care about me. I didn't cry loud or long but I did in fact cry which is something that even a couple of months ago I wouldn't do because to me it seems to be a sign of weakness, especially from a girl. I don't want to be one of those girls who cries for no reason or shows that I can't handle high stress, high stakes type stuff.

I have talked to several good friends over the last few days and it has been nice for me. My childhood best friend Sarah has called and we have had the opportunity to talk for quite a while and it was nice to say the least. Here wedding is one month from tomorrow and that is hard for me to believe. Soon I will honestly be the last one of my closest friends to get married and that is a tough spot to be for me. I never imagined that I would be sitting here writing at 23 years old that all of my friends are getting married and I still have no idea where my life is going to take me.

I am looking for a job somewhere in the area. I would like one in Fort Wayne or a bit more locally so that I can maintain a certain level of respect for the people that I love and hopefully start my own life instead of having to live in the shadows of what has been. Well have a good day.