Just minutes after having written the words its all in Gods hands hand I will just have to accept that it happened. The phone rang and who was it a potential employer who wanted to speak to me about the opportunities that they have to offer someone with my education. Although I had to cut some of it short we will be speaking in the morning about the various opportunities that they have to offer me and the type of employee they are looking for.
I never thought I would be so happy. I got into my car are started driving to work again like I have done thousands of times before but then I heard it...The phone again. I honestly figured it was my mom and she needed me to bring something with me or get something before I even came to work in the first place.
The second phone call confirmed it all for me, I'm on the right track and all things do work together. I have a second phone interview scheduled for tomorrow before I go to work at 11:30. Two job opportunities in less the 2 hours how do you do with this kind of promise. First I took a moment to be thankful and understanding that this doesn't mean that this search is over but it does mean that it is on its way and things can and will slowly starting falling into place.
For the first time in my life I have given up everything that is in me and let God do the rest and it is all coming together faster and faster then I ever thought possible. Where will I be is a question that I have asked hundreds of times before especially in the last few weeks but now I know wherever that is it is in God's hand.
Prayer is the key to everything and then more importantly listening which I haven't been so good at but as I grow spiritually I have learned that I must listen if I plan to truly be happy and successful.
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Ready or Not
Yesterday was a strange day as I have stated several times already.
I am now going to Tennessee with my friend Elaina on what appears to be last of our 'road trips' for a very very long time. She has job interview, actually she has two of them and then is planning to move down as soon as she is able to find a place to stay long term. Then in March sometime she will return to Warsaw for one last time to get married then off she will go.
Trisha, another good friend, is moving to Detroit in three weeks to start a new life away from everything that this town doesn't have to offer. She plans to go to school and work full time while she is up there and I truly pray that everything goes as well as she is planning for it to.
Chana, one of my dearest friends, moved away nearly six months ago and had a baby. I went to see her just over a week ago and realized that I too want a family but I don't want it the way she got it. I want to have that person who completes me and a father for my children but she will be a wonderful mom. Nonetheless she is gone over nine hours away in attempt to start her life over and move on from the mistakes that she has made. Is she trying to hide what happened, no I don't think so, I think she simply wants a chance to start new and face a little less criticism, if that is possible.
Then there is me. Ready to leave but not exactly sure where I am headed and how on earth I plan to get there. I am now literally positive that I am not staying in Indiana, but the question that follows is where are you going, and my answer is that I don't know. The next biggest challenge for me is deciding where to go to and how to break to everyone that I have finally in my life made a decision, and it is time for me to go. My dad's family is going to take it the hardest and I'm sure my mom and uncle will have to deal with the repercussions of some of and for that I'm truly sorry. So today is a Julia and God day, there will be much prayer and even more patients on my end. God has it in control and now I must accept it.
I am now going to Tennessee with my friend Elaina on what appears to be last of our 'road trips' for a very very long time. She has job interview, actually she has two of them and then is planning to move down as soon as she is able to find a place to stay long term. Then in March sometime she will return to Warsaw for one last time to get married then off she will go.
Trisha, another good friend, is moving to Detroit in three weeks to start a new life away from everything that this town doesn't have to offer. She plans to go to school and work full time while she is up there and I truly pray that everything goes as well as she is planning for it to.
Chana, one of my dearest friends, moved away nearly six months ago and had a baby. I went to see her just over a week ago and realized that I too want a family but I don't want it the way she got it. I want to have that person who completes me and a father for my children but she will be a wonderful mom. Nonetheless she is gone over nine hours away in attempt to start her life over and move on from the mistakes that she has made. Is she trying to hide what happened, no I don't think so, I think she simply wants a chance to start new and face a little less criticism, if that is possible.
Then there is me. Ready to leave but not exactly sure where I am headed and how on earth I plan to get there. I am now literally positive that I am not staying in Indiana, but the question that follows is where are you going, and my answer is that I don't know. The next biggest challenge for me is deciding where to go to and how to break to everyone that I have finally in my life made a decision, and it is time for me to go. My dad's family is going to take it the hardest and I'm sure my mom and uncle will have to deal with the repercussions of some of and for that I'm truly sorry. So today is a Julia and God day, there will be much prayer and even more patients on my end. God has it in control and now I must accept it.
Monday, August 30, 2004
Strange Peace
This morning I got up to go to work, like I have hundreds of times before and I rushed around to get everything done that needed done before I headed out the door at 6:30. My day at work was just that a day at work. Waiting on customers, forcing a smile, joking and laughing when I really didn't want to. Then during one of those rare quiet moments in retail it rushed over me during a quietly uttered prayer.
Not knowing what my future holds has been stressing me out to say that least and not having a clear cut plan for next few months has been frustrating at best. An utter calm fell on me as I realized that for now at least I am right where I need to be and there isn't anything I can do about it. My steps have been ordered by the master and what hurts now is what I need to grow and no one ever said that growing wouldn't hurt. As I ponder further and further into my future, I'm nearly certain that I am leaving this place and very soon at that. Not because I want to leave my friends or family but because in order to grow I have to do the one thing that scares me most. ..walk away.
In feeling peace about this decision I also have some apprehension. Sitting down the Tonya today to take time and just hear my options out loud, I'm sure that in the long run, leaving will be okay, this is not to say that there won't be hurt feelings or sadness along the way but getting the chance to turn and try again isn't something I will get once I settle down and start a family. What if my husband is waiting for me wherever I end up? What if he has been right in front of me all along? Both questions that I am trying to answer right now and don't know what the conclusion will be. Yet I have this Peace a Peace that I simply can't explain, but yet I know exactly who is supplying it.
Not knowing what my future holds has been stressing me out to say that least and not having a clear cut plan for next few months has been frustrating at best. An utter calm fell on me as I realized that for now at least I am right where I need to be and there isn't anything I can do about it. My steps have been ordered by the master and what hurts now is what I need to grow and no one ever said that growing wouldn't hurt. As I ponder further and further into my future, I'm nearly certain that I am leaving this place and very soon at that. Not because I want to leave my friends or family but because in order to grow I have to do the one thing that scares me most. ..walk away.
In feeling peace about this decision I also have some apprehension. Sitting down the Tonya today to take time and just hear my options out loud, I'm sure that in the long run, leaving will be okay, this is not to say that there won't be hurt feelings or sadness along the way but getting the chance to turn and try again isn't something I will get once I settle down and start a family. What if my husband is waiting for me wherever I end up? What if he has been right in front of me all along? Both questions that I am trying to answer right now and don't know what the conclusion will be. Yet I have this Peace a Peace that I simply can't explain, but yet I know exactly who is supplying it.
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Now What
Tonight sermon was on forgiveness and forgiving those who you need to...Including God if it be needed. We can often blame God for things in our lives and hold onto it thus limiting the blessing and gifts that God has to offer us.
I'm single and heart-broken which tend to go hand in hand for me. I know that there is plenty of time for me to get my adult life started but I also want to be greedy and tell God that I want it now. I'm at that place...Women you know where that is...I want a family and children...I want a career too but most of all I want that person that completes me and makes me feel as wonderful as I should. There are many different reasons the right person hasn't come into my life and I can see some of them when I look at the choices that I have made but then I look at it all and want more.
Where this blog is leading I don't know and what I will do in the coming days who is to say...God you've got this one...More to come I'm sure.
I'm single and heart-broken which tend to go hand in hand for me. I know that there is plenty of time for me to get my adult life started but I also want to be greedy and tell God that I want it now. I'm at that place...Women you know where that is...I want a family and children...I want a career too but most of all I want that person that completes me and makes me feel as wonderful as I should. There are many different reasons the right person hasn't come into my life and I can see some of them when I look at the choices that I have made but then I look at it all and want more.
Where this blog is leading I don't know and what I will do in the coming days who is to say...God you've got this one...More to come I'm sure.
Complete devastation
You know its coming soon and there isn't anything you can do about it but it doesn't make it hurt any less then bam it happens. He moves on and you aren't a part of what he wants in his future. You do what every girl does you cry at moments uncontrollably and don't even know why. Is is hurt, sorrow, pain, or just the thought that this in fact could cost you the friendship that you hold so dear.
We've known each other for 12 years, a long time considering in only 22 and he is 21, and over the last few weeks we have grown further and further apart. Again dating one of your best friends seems like a good idea but we both forget to take into account what happens after you break up and both try to start new relationship. I have never had a relationship end that hurt me like this one does and I don't even really know why it just simply hurts. We are trying to live like nothing happened and that we can be friends just like things used to be, but deep down I'm not sure it can happen not because we don't want it to but we are both so exposed to each other that it makes changing things back much more difficult to do.
I never thought it would hurt to see him move on, I've seen him date dozens of girls and it never bothered me until today when I see the smile of a new relationship on his face and hear about how wonderful she is and how they have known each other for two years and he thinks that she might in fact be "the one." There is another topic "the one" is that person really out there for you or do you simply think that they have to be because it is what you have been told for your whole life or more importantly can you miss "the one" when they are right in front of you. Even though I have dated other people over the last couple of year I always come back to him and realize that my love for him is beyond that of simply being friends but now I am forced to question it.
So the question still remains how do I handle all of these emotions, how do I move on, and more importantly how do I salvage what is left of our friendship. I miss him so much and love him so much and don't want to hurt this bad over something that it appears I never had in the first place.
We've known each other for 12 years, a long time considering in only 22 and he is 21, and over the last few weeks we have grown further and further apart. Again dating one of your best friends seems like a good idea but we both forget to take into account what happens after you break up and both try to start new relationship. I have never had a relationship end that hurt me like this one does and I don't even really know why it just simply hurts. We are trying to live like nothing happened and that we can be friends just like things used to be, but deep down I'm not sure it can happen not because we don't want it to but we are both so exposed to each other that it makes changing things back much more difficult to do.
I never thought it would hurt to see him move on, I've seen him date dozens of girls and it never bothered me until today when I see the smile of a new relationship on his face and hear about how wonderful she is and how they have known each other for two years and he thinks that she might in fact be "the one." There is another topic "the one" is that person really out there for you or do you simply think that they have to be because it is what you have been told for your whole life or more importantly can you miss "the one" when they are right in front of you. Even though I have dated other people over the last couple of year I always come back to him and realize that my love for him is beyond that of simply being friends but now I am forced to question it.
So the question still remains how do I handle all of these emotions, how do I move on, and more importantly how do I salvage what is left of our friendship. I miss him so much and love him so much and don't want to hurt this bad over something that it appears I never had in the first place.
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Sigh
So what do you do, you're facing your future with no idea how to handle it. Yes God has it in control but how do YOU handle it. Life is...well life. When I have more to offer that thought I'm sure I will.
struggling with the fact that I have fallen in love with someone and I'm fairly certain he doesn't love me the same way. Note to readers...Dating you best friend can be wonderful but it also makes things so much more difficult if it looks like things aren't going to work. I'm looking to move away from here because of it. He is my best friend and I can't imagine my life without him around but who is to say that I can't move on and away from him if I simply leave this place.
Trying to find a job and understand what on earth future holds me is a struggle, as my 23 birthday approaches and I face some of the hardest choices in my life, I come back to my blog title...putting it all together. I don't think all answers are black and white but how many times do you have to face the same situation before you quite trying to figure it out. Hard to say...I will let you know as soon as it happens.
struggling with the fact that I have fallen in love with someone and I'm fairly certain he doesn't love me the same way. Note to readers...Dating you best friend can be wonderful but it also makes things so much more difficult if it looks like things aren't going to work. I'm looking to move away from here because of it. He is my best friend and I can't imagine my life without him around but who is to say that I can't move on and away from him if I simply leave this place.
Trying to find a job and understand what on earth future holds me is a struggle, as my 23 birthday approaches and I face some of the hardest choices in my life, I come back to my blog title...putting it all together. I don't think all answers are black and white but how many times do you have to face the same situation before you quite trying to figure it out. Hard to say...I will let you know as soon as it happens.
Friday, August 27, 2004
Getting Started
I feel that I should first explain the reason for the address for this blog. nodoubtithink...Everyday we live our lives and you hear someone say I don't have any doubts about this or about that or even about life in general, but is this true. I don't think so, I'm nearly positive that if you ask someone there are many different things that they may have doubts about.
There are things that I don't doubt corner stone things...my faith, my friends, my security...but then there are other things that I do doubt. I am a high stress person...I thrive on stress and life by a color coded day timer to keep my life in order, but does it really...NO. I create illusions around myself to make me feel better and forget about the other problems in my world. I graduated from college nearly 5 months ago and I still have no actually job...I sell groceries, do I sense a doubt.
There are so many things to ponder in life...Where do I draw the line.
There are things that I don't doubt corner stone things...my faith, my friends, my security...but then there are other things that I do doubt. I am a high stress person...I thrive on stress and life by a color coded day timer to keep my life in order, but does it really...NO. I create illusions around myself to make me feel better and forget about the other problems in my world. I graduated from college nearly 5 months ago and I still have no actually job...I sell groceries, do I sense a doubt.
There are so many things to ponder in life...Where do I draw the line.
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