Strange Peace

This morning I got up to go to work, like I have hundreds of times before and I rushed around to get everything done that needed done before I headed out the door at 6:30. My day at work was just that a day at work. Waiting on customers, forcing a smile, joking and laughing when I really didn't want to. Then during one of those rare quiet moments in retail it rushed over me during a quietly uttered prayer.

Not knowing what my future holds has been stressing me out to say that least and not having a clear cut plan for next few months has been frustrating at best. An utter calm fell on me as I realized that for now at least I am right where I need to be and there isn't anything I can do about it. My steps have been ordered by the master and what hurts now is what I need to grow and no one ever said that growing wouldn't hurt. As I ponder further and further into my future, I'm nearly certain that I am leaving this place and very soon at that. Not because I want to leave my friends or family but because in order to grow I have to do the one thing that scares me most. ..walk away.

In feeling peace about this decision I also have some apprehension. Sitting down the Tonya today to take time and just hear my options out loud, I'm sure that in the long run, leaving will be okay, this is not to say that there won't be hurt feelings or sadness along the way but getting the chance to turn and try again isn't something I will get once I settle down and start a family. What if my husband is waiting for me wherever I end up? What if he has been right in front of me all along? Both questions that I am trying to answer right now and don't know what the conclusion will be. Yet I have this Peace a Peace that I simply can't explain, but yet I know exactly who is supplying it.