Sigh

Yesterday was one of those days where you think....what on earth am I doing.

The Saturday before Christmas and here I sat waiting to get into mall so that I could purchase a last minute gift for my aunt could give it to here grandson. It was a long wait to find a parking space and not even a good one at that. I walked through the lot to the mall doors only to walk into more craziness which made for a long walk around to the store that I needed to go to so that I could make this purchase. I did find the gift that she desired for him and then decided to look around since I was already in the mall to see if there was anything else that I thought we could use for those that we still don't have gifts for. I was unsuccessful in finding anything to add to our Christmas collection. I did however sit and watch people for a while just to blow off some steam.

I watched as the walked by with no smiles on their faces and the look of last minute panic on their faces. The coldness of the each person as they ran from store to store it made me wonder if they even know why this season exists. Jesus was born, or at least that is what we celebrate on December 25, so that He could die for the fallen man which isn't easy to swallow when you really thinking about it. I wonder how much pain I cause God when I do the things that I do and how much it must hurt Him because I simply continue to do so. There are times that I sin and don't think anything about it till later but more often than no I know what I am doing wrong and simply don't care or choose to care about what I am doing.

As I look toward this Christmas there are many things to be thankful for including the fact that I am moving in six months and I am excited and can't wait to get this started. I have a wonderful cousin that I care the world about and am so blessed to finally get a chance to get to know. I have always known that she is a great girl but now I know it for sure and I love her more than I think that she even knows. I have some wonderful friends that mean the world to me and I can't imagine my life without them. I have a great church and it will be hard to leave it when it is all said and done, even when their are times that I can't wait to leave all of the gossip, I know that they love me there and yet my seat will be filled with someone else quickly once I leave. I have found the love of my life and I know it for sure yet I know that he will not be one I marry which is even harder to swallow right now (this could change but only time will tell on both our parts). I have a family that drives me crazy to say the least yet no matter what I do I am stuck with them forever. I am thankful that I know Christ and I know what He did for me and although I have hurt Him on countless occasions He is still my God and He gives me grace a mercy even though I don't deserve it.

So as I look toward this holiday I have to remember that this is it for me here in Indiana unless something huge were to change in the next six months, yet knowing the God I know this could happen because He has one funny sense of humor about things like that.