Today, that's all I have to say

Today was a lazy day in my world and since they don't come around so often I took full advantage of it. I slept in late, until 10 am which made the rest of my day seem very short to say the least. I laid around and read for a while and thought about things that I really needed to think about. Went to church and taught my 3, 6-9 year-olds that showed up and came home. It was wonderful and I can honestly say that I didn't really do an darn thing.

I have taken steps to be more open with people around me and it has not come easily for me. To show them what I am really feeling instead of what I want them to think that I am feeling. It is so much easier to simply hide behind what I think they want to see rather than be emotional and honest with them.

Excitement has started to overcome me as I look toward the future and what it has to offer me. There is no way to completely express the joy that I have. I am ready and I am sure and that is harder than I ever thought it would be. When you are sure there seem to be little insignificant things that keep you held back even when you so desperately want to move forward. There are a million reasons to be happy and yet often we find the one reason to be sad. For me that reason is that I will be leaving so much here that I want so desperately to hold onto. Even with all the junk that goes on around here it is still home and no matter if I like it or not these people are still my family, even with all the flaws.

The hardest thing for me to leave here will be my best friend Eric and my church. Eric will be hard because he has no idea how I really feel about him and I have no intentions of telling him. I wish I had the courage to do so but there seems to be so much holding me back. I talk to his best friend often about this mystery person and I am fairly certain that Bryan knows exactly who I am talking about but doesn't want to say anything. To me it is so clear that it could be a wonderful thing but I don't know if I have the courage to cross the bridge. My church although I often get frustrated or upset with the things that go on there it is still my church and there isn't anything that I can do about it. I know that there are many other churches out there but there aren't any that are going to be just like this one and I am sure that it will always hold a very special place in my heart.

So now I continue my journey forward and it is still a one step at a time process that will take several months now to complete.