Hurt

Last night a was a painful night for me. Eric picked me up shortly after 6 and we went off to see our friend Bryan and talk to him about his current choice of relationship. We both care deeply for Bryan and I can honestly say that I have been disgusted with the way he has chosen to go about his dating life. The girl that he has had a crush on has done nothing but break his heart and kill his emotions and from where I stand this is the last thing that he needs. There are enough other issues in his life at the moment that a new girlfriends, who either doesn't care or has a very strange way of showing it, isn't what he needs or even deserves.

For quite a while it was just the three of us hanging out because Michelle, the new girlfriend, bailed out when she found out that I would be coming into town as well. There were a few opportunities to ask Bryan why he is choosing the things that he is and strangely enough he really didn't have an answer to any of it. We chatted for quite a long time then decided to see if we could get a hold of Michelle and see if we could in fact meet up with her at Applebee's for a while and just hang out and talk. This was important to me because I wanted to finally meet Michelle and see if the things the Bryan himself had described to me were in fact as he said, and much to my own dismay they were even worse than I had thought.

We all had drinks, except Eric who had ice tea, but nothing to heavy. I had a strawberry daquori, Bryan had 2 beers, Michelle had a smoothie type drink, and Joe, who I will explain in a minute had 2 beers but we clearly over his limit before the night got to far underway. We all sat around and chatted but Joe was different, he is the reason that Michelle can't seem to give Bryan the love that he deserves. Michelle and Joe have been friends for years and that is great and they even dated for what appears to be a fairly long time. Joe spent the entire night attacking Bryan and Eric directly but seemed to stay away from me and the things that I had to say. The word for him I would have to say is jerk and that is the nicest one that I can come up with. Between the fact that he used the f-word every chance he got and the fact he made off color, at best, jokes about Eric and Bryan and the things that they do he wasn't winning any points with anyone at the table.

What made this trip out for drinks ever worse was the fact that while Eric and I were trying to watch how Bryan and Michelle interact with each other she in choose to ignore the fact Bryan was even there and spent all of her time talking to Joe and whispering into his ear about different things that were apparently not good enough for the rest of the table to hear. This whole process sent Bryan back to being a 5 year-old kid trying to get mommy's attention and get someone to pay attention to him and what he was doing, and from where I sat this was painful to watch.

I love Bryan, I really do no matter how angry he makes me at times and I want him to be happy and smile and enjoy his life yet he seems to feel this need to self distrust that no one can get through to him that needs to stop. Today I hurt for Bryan and the things that I witnessed last night and the pain that will follow. My heart breaks that the lost feel this need to hurt themselves, nearly convincing themselves that this is the way that it needs to be. The world that they live in isn't worthy of showing them love and they simply accept that.

I am so thankful that I am no longer lost and that I know the truth even if I choose not to follow it at times. Today with tearful eyes and a broken heart for a dear friend, I thank God I am no longer there.

There is a great piece written about last night on Eric's sight if you would like to read it. www.ericbradley.com