Stand

This is the week and the day that I have been looking for my whole life. Do I have a husband? No, but that will come. Do I have a career? No, but that will come also. But what I do have is direction and a clue about where the future is going take me. I like the way it feels and I can't wait to figure it all out and put some of the still missing large pieces of my puzzle in place.

during a long conversation with Eric on Sunday night I gave an insight to him that in fact I needed to be giving myself yet I didn't take it to heart till a few hours later as I boarded a plane to head back to Indiana. "Just rest in the fact you know it will come." We always want God to show us the answers now not later. We don't want to stand and know that He is God and that He has all of this in His control and when it is time He and only He will show us what our future does in fact hold. It is hard to stand in one place and not know when we are to be moving forward again. Standing and waiting isn't easy for anyone and there are so many things that could get us distracted and then we forget that we were standing waiting on the direction and answers that we so desperately want to see now rather than later.

I stood before God since May of this year and wondered what in the world He had going on up there that I couldn't get a job and I couldn't seem to find direction in my life, then just a easily as I have paced spiritually wanting the answers now rather than later that I nearly missed them when they did finally start coming to me. There are so many different ways that this whole thing could turn out. Now my fear has become what if I'm wrong? What if I have simply convinced myself that this is what God wants for me? How do I make sure that I stay on the right path? Why do I feel so alone when I am standing in a room full of people? How do I deal with all of this? What about the person I love most? Will he support me? Will he follow me? Will I loose him forever? All these questions and I have no answers for them, none and now I must stand and wait on the final directions for this part of my life. This could change it all or it could make it all seem so much better than I ever expected.

Standing and waiting for confirmation from God is a lot like flying standby. When you get the booth and pray with everything you have that the flight you need to board isn't full and there will be a seat there for you? You wait for the man behind the counter to read your name and tell you that there is a seat there for you and you can proceed to your next destination. Now I stand at that counter and wait...Hoping, praying, crying, pleading, to hear my name as list of passengers for the next stop are read slowly. I stand with my arms uplifted wanting to hear that final confirmation.