When Reality Attacks

There are moments in life when you are forced to face reality. Making bad decisions or for that matter horrible ones is one of those moments. Spending most of the last week in tears over a couple hours of complete and total stupidity has been stressful and frustrating for me. There were moments where I felt like everything that I have worked so hard for could fall apart at my finger tips and there would be nothing I could do about it now. There are so many different outcomes to every situation that a person faces in life but from where I sat all of the possibilities were very negative and potentially devastating for me, my family, and my friends.

After a fairly lengthy conversation with Staci last night I went for a walk in the rain to help gather thoughts and ponder some of the stuff that she said. The thought that stuck with me the most was that this could in fact be the chance to change things once and for all that I have been looking for. I made a choice at nearly 2 am alone in the dark that this is my stop, it is where I get off of the path that I had been traveling with and get back on the one that I should have been on all along. There are many people that I trust but I wouldn't share the emotions of this moment with but I am glad to have one non-judgmental family member who isn't going to condemn me to having to relive one mistake every time I walk into a room.

When reality attacks it can be very painful and in many ways force you to grow and deal with the issues that you have been avoiding for so long. I know what I did was wrong, frankly I never even questioned the choice, I knew it was a bad one while I was making it but it didn't stop me from going ahead with it. Every choice good or bad has its consequences and as these next few weeks go on I have to deal with the ones I have made. So as I am dashed upon the rocks of the world we live in, I am forced to admit that that things I did were stupid and I pray that I am never even in a situation where it could happen again.