Conversations

Tonight was interesting at best. There are times that a light hearted conversation is all you need to really start to think about things. I love Bryan and it is so great that he has found a girl that seems to be exactly what he needs. He has fallen in love and it is wonderful. He didn't even need to say it I could tell just by the way he talks about her and the smile that I knew was on his face.

Bryan and I talked a whole lot about just about everything under the sun. But mainly a huge guessing game about who I have fallen for and whether or not he know him. We had several good laughs about it all and it was hard not to tell him but when it is time for him to know then he will. It is hard for everyone around me right now to know what is going on in my head yet not being able to express it completely.

I am exposed to more people today than I was a week ago. This week has been a week of apologies and corrections. There have been many times that it would have been easier to give up and let this whole thing go but yet I can't. I am working my way through many of my new and old friends one by one expressing my gratitude for their friendship that they have given to me that I have not given back.

Wednesday is a busy lazy day for me. I have quite a list of things to do.

1. Get new tires
2. Get oil changed
3. Order bridesmaid dress
4. Shopping at Kohl's, Old Navy, Lane Bryant
5. Possibly go out with friends

So I will be busy but around.

Who would miss me

Today I sat and thought about a lot. One thought that kept running through my head is who would miss me if I were to disappear today.

There aren't that many people who miss me when I am gone. I have thought that there would be an void in their lives and have no idea who it would be. I would like to think that I can affect people and that there are those who in some way would not have the same life if I wasn't here. I thought about the people that I have touched and how dishonest I have been with so many. I thought about where on earth I would be if I had continued down that path. I know that many have forgive me for the mistakes that I now call my past but would they miss me. Would they miss my presence? Would they even really know I was gone? It is hard to say. There are those that would in some way notice like family and people that I see everyday. I don't know why this set of thoughts has been running around my head over the last few hours.

So I am forced to wonder who would miss me when I am gone? Really Who?

Trying to make sense for it all

There is so much that I don't understand and often times that is a painful reality for me. I wish I really had it all figured out and that I had it all under control but I just don't and that stinks.

There are moments in life when you need to step back from what is your life and really take time to look at everything you do. When you look at everyday life, not even the big stuff, I am forced to sit back and check my own priorities. There are so many things that I considered priorities that with a bit of prayer and a bit of time I am quick to realize that they are in fact not.

There will be more to follow I am sure. Have you ever tried to build house with wooden blocks but get the foundation under it slightly unlevel? Then much to my surprise it falls over. That is sort of where I am right now.

Wow

Today was a day spent with Sam and Monica who I don't get to see ever and it was wonderful. I will have so much more to say after a few hours of sleep.

Two Lives

Often I wonder if I am living two different lives. There is the one where everything is going smoothly and I am achieving those things that I wish to achieve, then there is the life where everything seems to be in a consistent spiral downward or at least out of control.

Today was a simple day. I am housesitting for a family in my church so I sat around read part of my assignment for school, watched a movie on my laptop, went for a walk, read the paper, and played with Luke (the dog). I was glad to get the school work done although I now have yet another week of down time before we pick back up. The weather around here has been nothing if not bizarre. On Wednesday night we had our first snow of the year which made for the traditionally bad road and cold winds, but this year it was different for me. The snow was white and perfect yet annoying. The wind no colder than it has been in the past yet it seemed to pierce my body sharply. I can't really explain it all or I would.

This in turn meant that I had all the time in the world to sit and think about everything that has been going on in my life as of late. It is hard to put my finger on it but somethings are changing and I am not so sure that I like it. I still have a letter that I wrote nearly a week ago now and I have no idea what I am going to do with it. Part of me wants to burn it and pretend that I did in fact give it to its intended recipient, that way I could feel that those parts of my emotions were already dealt with. I think this is because I fear rejection of telling someone exactly how I feel and what I am thinking.

I am quickly learning again, that complete faith requires complete faith. I want to be used, I want to be seen as a strong person, I want to be there for others, and I in fact try to put these things out there and usually end up rejected. I guess the huge part is that I want these things and don't take the time to learn how to be these things. I want to used, to be someone that other look up to but I all to often find myself face down on the ground asking God what an earth went so wrong here. Were did I mess it up this time because there were so many different outcomes and yet again I managed to be on worst path for the whole situation. I want to be strong and not be scared of the future or of being hurt or of change but it is simple to see that this is hard for anyone especially me. My life has been nothing but one big change after another yet the whole idea of change seems to scare me to death.

I know there is a lot of babbling today but it means something to me and even makes sense when I reread it so I am sorry for those of you who I may have lost but glad you are all still out there.

Thanksgiving

Today was a day set aside to give thanks. I have much to be thankful for but it is hard to put it all into words because of how tired I am right now.

The First Snow

Today it snowed for the first time of the season and although I don't like snow, I like the rawness that I feel when it snows for the first time. As the snow flakes fell after a rain storm this morning it really showed how things can progress without man having any control.

This morning as I left for work it was raining. It was a cold bitter rain that made you want to shiver and hide. There was nothing to pleasant about it and there was nothing to stop it. Caring an umbrella was pointless because of the wind that simply blew the rain right onto you. The rain later turned to lovely ice pellets that stung when they hit you. The ice beaded up and make little piles in corners yet much of it melted after it hit the ground because the ground had not yet hit the low temperatures that were needed to maintain it in is current state. The ice eventually turned to snow. Big fluffy wet snow flakes fell for hours and as I type this it is in fact still snowing outside. There is so much that comes with the first decent snow of the year.

People have to learn how to drive again. No more 65 miles an hour on the back roads and no more speeding in parking lots because someone (namely me) could get hurt. A snowball fight after work with fellow employees is fun, but in this kind of snow the snowballs are really hard and hurt when you are pelted with them.

As I look out the window of the house that I am housesitting in everything is covered in white and is smooth and pretty. Knowing that in a few days this snow will be yellow and gross to look at. That is how we are in our walk with God. When he takes away all of our sins and washes us clean we walk around smooth and shiny with perfect coverings then we go and put one little stain on it then it grow into something even more and more ugly until we have to go to Him and ask for it to be make clean and whole again.

So as I look at what is the beauty of the first snow I can now think that in a few short months, it will melt and everything will once again start to grow.

Tonight I learned

Tonight I learned that I never want to date again. Dating is a terrible sport that should be outlawed. I will have more to say later. Right now I am a bit too angry to deal with it all.

No idea

That is all I have to say about today...I have no idea...

I wrote a long letter today. I will write phrases from it later.

There isn't a whole lot to say this evening but today was a good day.

I skipped church and slept in till after 1 which was wonderful for me but frustrating because I simply don't feel the same if I don't go to church.

I am just sitting here right now. I will have more to say later I'm sure.

Left turn

You are walking along and then you decide to make a huge left turn. When you step out and take that turn you don't know for sure where you are headed but you are sure that it is exactly what is needed now more than ever. I know that there are times when seem to be talking out both sides of my mouth, and there are times that I in fact am but this is not one of those times.

I am ready to get this party started and I stood at work today just thinking because they put me on express, which I despise, and there didn't seem to be to many 'small' orders the Saturday before Thanksgiving. I am to move away and be happy and start on a clean slate and do this again with out my family being there all the time. After a long talk with one of my managers, Kyle Working, about what all this move will entail and some of the emotions that go with it. I know that it will be hard and I know that I will doubt, but it is a matter of self preservation.

I am thinking about what is to come and how it will seem when I finally get there. I know that there is a time and a place when it is appropriate to 'spread' my wings and leave this place. I also requested a promotion today which I wonder if I will even be given a chance for because I am not planning on staying in the area but I stepped out there and plead my case as to why I am the right person for the job and how much it would mean to me to have that much faith put into me.

This week was fairly uneventful. I attempted to order a bridesmaid dress for Elaina and Randy's wedding and still don't have the order placed, I hope I have time to get it ordered before the end of the month. The dresses are not bad looking and for anyone who has ever been in a wedding that is saying a whole lot. There is no need to have ugly dresses in the wedding although I have wore some. The strange thing is that I could see something similar in my wedding in the not so distant future if I ever get this pesky husband thing figured out. Sarah and Rob are planning a May wedding and the dresses for their wedding will be more money that was not in my yearly budget but it is okay because I am happy for them.

I am really starting to miss some of the friends who made my life what it is today. I miss Sarah, Elaina, Staci (http://staci_iwu.blogspot.com) (she is my cousin but more importantly she is my friend), Eric (www.ericbradley.com), Bethaney, Frieda, and so many others. I wish they were more available and I wish I was too because then I wouldn't feel so removed. Now my whole life revolves around paying bills and getting everything in order as adults do. No more simply hanging out and wasting time, because time has a new value once you go to school and then reenter or enter the work force. I miss the good old times but now they are just a distant memory of what has been and are no longer part of what is to come.

Steps

Life is nothing more than managing to put one step in front of the last and so on. I have often struggled to do just that. Taking steps and being honest with myself is not something that I have ever been to great at no matter how hard I have tired.

I think we all hide things from ourselves because we don't want to deal with them no matter how small those things may very well be. I love details and what everything to work out smoothly and without a catch and as most very well know life very rarely works out that way. There is no way to keep everything in perfect order all the time and it drives me absolutely crazy which is a shorter trip for me than it is for many others.

I start my final leg of my journey here in Warsaw and I want all those little details to work out smoothly and perfectly. I know that there will be times that they won't and there will be times that I am so stressed out I will want nothing more than to stay here and not leave at all but I am ready for those days, I think. At last count 29 weeks and counting. That really isn't that long and I know it. There is so much that will go into the next six months and everything that needs to be done in the process. But as in life these are just small yet very simple steps that I am taking.

The up side to planning life one step at a time is that it is easier to change directions when you only looking at the next step. So here I go walking again and it will not be easy. I am reminded of a song that we sing in church every so often:

He never promised that the cross would not get heavy...

Ahhhh

There are moments that you have to stand before God and give small but simple accounts of what you are doing and how you are serving His purpose. They are not huge moments and no where as big 'the' day where we stand before Him and wait to hear 'well done thy good and faithful servant.'

I stood alone in a room and felt God very close to me. I knew that I needed to work through my own stuff for a bit and face everything one day at a time. I know that there are times when we can quickly forget that this journey is not all about us it is so much bigger. There are times that I want to be nothing more than selfish. I want things to work out perfectly and I want them to do so now, and strangely enough it doesn't happen, go figure.

There are many things that I thought I would have by now that I simply don't. I have heard several times that God gives you the desires of your heart yet the things I desire seem so far out of reach and there is no way that God is going to do them for me. That is something that is frustrating for me and it shouldn't be because I know that God will take care of things at that they will work out sooner or later.

I just need to go for a walk...I think I will. Sigh.

Stressed

So its no secret I don't much car for it here and yet here I sit. Work has been stressing me out but more importantly money. I want to have a large sum of money in my account when I leave here so that if something should happen initially then I would be okay.

I feel more and more alone. All of my friends are gone from here and the ones I thought I still had clearly aren't. This will make my move so much easier in long run.

Change will hurt much like weight loss, growing pains or emotional baggage but we all have to de it and there isn't a thing that we can do about it. So although I am stressed out and in the mood to really rant I won't, I will spare you that reading and write it out the old fashion way, paper and pen.

Have a great day.

Paths

As I get off of this self righteous path that I currently find myself in the detour seems to be hard on me both spiritually and physically.

When you try to make huge changes on your own they can turn out to be very painful but if you ask God for a bit of guidance much of the pain and stress will vanish.

I have a lot to do tonight so I will write more later.

Have a good night.

Lifted

There has been so much stress lifted off of me over the last 24 hours and it couldn't have come at a better time.

I found out this afternoon that I did in fact get the grade that was needed to stay in school and that my journey will continue. I will take larger steps toward getting my masters degree and then, Lord willing, I will do great things. I did not make the choice to get my masters degree because of the status that goes with completing it, but I did so because I am sure that there is more out there for me and I simply need to take the time to find it.

I have given much thought to teaching either college or high school. I may just do that. I am currently working through getting my teaching certificate and possible teaching at a local school. I don't know if it is in fact what I plan on doing long term but right now it feels right.

I am also reconstructing a friendship that I destroyed single handedly over the last few weeks. I know that I have made some mistakes and for me it is hard to admit it and that is huge. I hope to take our friendship back a few steps then work on rebuilding what was once so wonderful. I know that there will be a time of adjustment for both of us as we work to get through so of the issues that we both face right now. I am happy to get the opportunity today.

Church was great last night and really put a whole of things in perspective, which I usually need. Taking time to step back and look at these things was wonderful. I now know more than ever that the choices I am making are right.

Getting what is needed

Do you ever think that you really get what is needed?

I do...God gives it to you right when you need it and not a moment sooner.

Doing Time

I am at a point where I am just doing time. I am working for the sake of working and know that it is what I need to do until I move in June. That's right you read it here first unless of course you are Staci I am planning on moving The second week of June and it is final. Where I stand right now there is nothing that can change my mind in the choice that I have made.

I know that this is the right choice no matter how many times I may question it during the next few months. I have given myself a few extra months to make this transition go much smoother than the rushed one that I was planning on. I am excited and scared and have for the most part started telling my family about the choices that I have made. Now I am 'doing time' here at home till that time comes.

I am ready, I really am and I have some great friends and family that will be there for me as I do this. Although I will feel alone I know that I am not and there will be days that I think I will stuck and confused and I just have to brace myself for them. There is no reason that this need be anymore dramatic than moving across town or one state over. I know that it is going to be hard and that is something that I am more than willing to deal with. The repercussions of it all are something else that I am ready for. I will miss things that traditionally I wouldn't: Birthdays, holidays, parties, weddings, and other important events in peoples lives, yet I will always be there for them.

The next few puzzle pieces will fall into place over the next few months. So here I go and I haven't been this happy and scared in my life.

Questions of the day

Today I had many shallow questions that crossed my mind:

Make-up or none?
Straight or curly?
Hair up or down?
Dress up or casual?

See I told you they were all shallow. They were just what kept popping into my head over the course of the day as I worked my way through several outfits and different hair styles. It was crazy. I dress the same everyday for work so I am not sure why exactly it matters, and frankly it doesn't. So I am off for the night. I never seems to stop amazing me that getting to sleep before midnight makes me very happy. Night all.

You are the love of my life,
You are the hope that I cling to,
You mean more than this world to me
I wouldn't trade you for silver or gold
I wouldn't trade you for riches untold
You are, You are my everything.

As I sat and listened to this song it has so many different meanings in my mind. It can be a love song to someone that you care the world about and I have often thought of it that way. It can also be a song to the Creater which is more what it should be.

Tonight I put a huge piece of my past finially in my past and it broke every piece of my heart to do so. To leave it there behind me was not easy as I walked away. I know that this is what is best for both of us and we now can move on more completely with our lives. I knew the instant that we sat across the table from each other that I was going to have to streach myself and so was he to make this evening a success. I am more sure now of what the future holds than I have ever been before. The time approaches quickly and as promised my choices are being finalized as I type.

Have a good night.

Today I learned...
1. I shouldn't be allowed out in public
2. God may actually know what He is doing.
3. I tend to stress myself out
4. My cat doesn't like me nearly as much as I thought she did
5. I have no idea what I am doing here

Wow that doesn't seem like a whole lot but to me it is huge. To even be able to admit that I don't have control takes more out of me than I ever thought it would. Well I need to go change out of these ever so stylish work clothes. Have a great night.

AHHH Sleep

What is funny to me is that I am no longer in a 'traditional' college setting yet I still manage to loose sleep over project and other things that go into being back in school. Today I did something that I don't usually do and slept in till noon and it was wonderful. So with a full nights rest and the better part of a days I am feeling really good.

Today I have to go to work for a few hours then back here for a fairly unplanned night. I am expecting company sometime later today. I am not looking forward to it but in many ways I am because it will be a chance to put some final touches on the period end of a relationship. The guy that I dated while I was in college is stopping by to 'talk' or so he says but I need him to know that I am not at all interested in him anymore and although he is a wonderful guy and will make some girl very happy in future I am not that girl.

This evening or tomorrow I am sure I will have more to say about this and there are so many different ways that it could turn out and I am ready for any of them.

So I am off for now.

The end of the beginning

So the title leaves a bit of explaining to do and I won't get into all of it right now but I am sure that it will make more sense over the next few weeks.

Tonight was the last night of my LAW class for school and created much joy in my life knowing that it is the last law class that I will have to take for the time being. A good conversion with Alan a guy in my class created some light hearted laughs as we both sat stressed out staring at our computer screens because the class has not been the highlight of my scholarly endeavors. I know that there have been others that I haven't cared for but at least to date this one is number two on the list of classes that I am excited to never see again. Number one of course goes hands down to Spanish class.

My grade in this class will determine if I will continue in school or if this is where I in fact take time to step back and rethink everything that I have been doing for the past six months. It is hard for me to believe that I started this craziness of going back to school six months ago when I only graduated a few from Taylor seven months ago. So at this point I will know if it was what I was supposed to do or if it is something that I choose to do without really consulting God. I have 'met' some very interesting people along the way and that has been wonderful. If my grade is sufficient which I am truly sure it will be then I am off academic probation and will start doing work as a 'regular' student.

It is time for me to make some huge life decisions and I am now for the first time ready to do. I will know 100% by the end of the week what I am planning to do. Mark my words. I will know and it will be great and I am excited at this possibility. There are so many things that have to be done over the next couple of weeks and am ready. I also may not be leaving as soon as I thought which could be a good thing or it could be bad. I will deal with all of that when it is time. I am at peace.

Today

Today was another day that I choose to fight with God or maybe it should be fight God.

Over what? Everything that I could come up with to fight with Him over. I don't have to have one specific topic to be frustrated about to drive myself crazy or for that matter drive God crazy if that is at all possible.

My class for school ends on Wednesday and will in all honesty be a very happy feeling for me. I am now struggling to face the fact that at that instant, I am at the mercy of my teachers who will ultimately decide if I get to continue in my educational endeavors or if this is in fact where I get off.

So I am off to study. Have a great night.

Because of who you are I give you glory,
Because of who you are I give you praise,
Because of who you are I will lift my voice and say,
Lord I worship you because of who you are....

Do you ever think about who God really is? I mean REALLY?

Uneventful

Today was a good day. Tyler Bryant, a friend from not so long ago, came to church and had a powerful message. I am still trying to put it all together in my head. I don't want to be comfortable in my faith I want to keep reaching and wanting and needing more of God in my life. I know that there is so much that He has to offer, but I want to be able give that back whenever I can.

Tyler is wonderful and clearly used of God and will have a huge impact on the world, even though he already has. I miss having him around sometimes. There are so many things that I could say but I don't even know where to start.

Today was a long day. I am off to bed. Here shortly.

Kick Boxing

Kick boxing is a wonderful sport, especially when I am stressed out.

To get to go to the gym and punch and kick things without getting in any trouble in any way definitely has its benefits. I know that if I were to (and I have before) try my work out on my brother I would be in more trouble than even I can imagine. I may be 23 but for the moments I still live with my mom whom I have a healthy fear of.

This morning I woke up late because I didn't have to go to work, I really enjoy not having to work on a Saturday because it is when all the 'crazy' people come in to shop. It seems to me that they forget that other people work all week too.

I got dressed in my sweat pants and t-shirt, which my brother so lovingly pointed out looked horrible, and went to the gym. I know it looks bad I'm going to gym no need to dress up just to change clothes again. It feels good just to lounge around for a while and I am looking forward to fairly unproductive day. So everyone have a great day.

More Love, More Power, More of you in my life.
More Love, More Power, More of you in my life.
And I will worship you with all of my heart
and I will worship you will all of my streangth
for you are my Lord, You are my Lord.

This song has played over and over in my mind today and it is a good thing that it is just me and the cat becaue I have sang it several times. It has just given me something to really think about.

The day after

Election...The day after. Today is the day that our country has been building up to for a long time. President Bush will return to office for 4 more years. He will lead out country till Dec. 31, 2008 and the choices he will make will affect my children and their children. I could even have children by the time he leaves office and that is a scary thought in and of itself.

John Kerry conceded the election sometime this morning while I was at work. It couldn't have been easy to do. To admit that you have lost such a pivotal election is a blow to anyone's ego. There is so much that goes into an election. Tom Brocaw spoke of it last night. Your emotions, your family, your name. You put it all out there to be run through the ringer everything is scrutinized. Your life is a wreck for well over a year. God bless the Kerry's as they attempt to return to what they consider a "normal" life.

President Bush won the popular vote which hasn't happened in the last several presidency. I know he must be happy with what has happened and that he will do everything that he can to work us out of the mess that we currently find ourselves in.

Last night I sat up watching the states come in one by won declaring who the electoral votes would go to and the fact that there was little change from four years ago.

God has given us 4 more years with President Bush and it has already been mentioned several times today that this rift that so deeply divides our country. Now we must enter a period of healing and mending. In 4 years there will be 2 new canidates but until then we will walk with this man. So as we as a country looks ahead to what is out there we should brace for anything as we have learned over the past 4 years knowing that God is still in control even when we're not.

Check Mate

Spirituality can often feel like a losing game of chess. You plan your moves carefully and then there is one move that you didn't see coming. Boom you sit at check mate and there is nothing you can about it. That move that rips into your heart and forces you to start to question it all. Question what is going on and how you ended up on the path that you are. You are in church, you know the truth, you know how to guard your heart and yet you don't. Then when you are caught off guard because you are not paying attention you want nothing more than to blame God for the whole mess that you find yourself it.

After a weekend full of traveling and not knowing what types of conclusions I may reach...I stood facing the enemy. Then I heard it...I felt it...I knew it...One more wrong move could very easily put me in the position of check mate. My "game" as it were was about to change. I need to change direction. I need to change goals, I need to reorganize, Yet I don't know to what.

--I had it all planned out.
--I knew what was going on.
--I had this one figured out.
--I was finally in control.

And that is where the problem really started. I was finally in control not God. I had it I really knew what I planning, knew where I headed, I had this one, I didn't need God to show me what I really needed to be doing! I Knew this was right and I was very happy with the choices I was making. Now I am in complete limbo again. WHAT NOW, WHAT NOW GOD. I know that there is so much ahead of me and I sit here cornered. I sit and stare at the face of the unknown and the over planned and wonder where it was that I went oh so wrong and try to think of the various ways I plan to get myself out of it. Not once thinking that perhaps I am not the one to get myself out of this one. Maybe, just maybe, I need God to reach in with His long arms and help me, but no I didn't want to consider that. I want to be in control and know where this path that I am walking on is headed.

I stare at the enemy and ponder, watching his every move more carefully than the next. Studying his face and seeing his nervous ticks knowing that there is a possibility that if I take my eyes off of what is the ultimate goal then I could loose and be trapped in a cycle that I have been in so many times before. I watch and wonder, still not thinking about the love and grace that is mine if I simply take it and hold it in my arms.

Then I hear the words that I feared the most, 'check mate.' Now I am trapped and start to panic, trying to find my own way out and then I realize, for the first time in a long time, that I can not get out of it on my own. It is going to take someone much more powerful and all knowing than I to get this mess cleaned up. Realizing I am cornered I look up at the hand that is stretched toward me and reach as far as I can to grab it. As I am pulled from the situation that I find myself in, I make a promise to not be taken back there again, but silently wonder if it could happen.

As with chess there are times that you can see the enemies next move and it is easily avoidable with a simple side step that makes things in your path appear much clearer once you return to the path that you were to be on in the first place. As I step back over onto my path I am starting to question the plans that I have been making over the last few months, and I start to ponder what is going on in my life. I know that as long as I play the 'game' as the Master has designed it I will come out victorious.

Returning to the path will not be easy. Getting my life back in order will hurt. Often change does but I know it is what I need to do. I know that this is how it should be done. I also know that it can be easy to stray and I need to watch very carefully when I am making plans and trying to control it all on my own that God has his hands on it all too.

I know that I can do this, I know that I can. I also know that there are those who will support what I am trying to do, and there will be those who are hurt or even left behind as the changes start to take shape. I am grateful for the opportunity to change and to make things right. But first I must close some doors, if for no other reason than to keep unexpected moves from cornering me again.

Trip

So my trip...HMMMM....

We left Warsaw at 9:32 pm on Thursday night. And for those of you who read this, yes that was behind schedule. Arriving in Rising Fawn, GA at 6 am was nearly the highlight of my trip. Getting there and getting to sleep for a few precious hours before starting off on a whirlwind weekend.

Saturday was a church picnic with people that I didn't know, which made for some very interesting conversation. I was informed several times that it was clear that I was a Yankee and not from the south. I got several laughs over it all but because, in all honesty I wanted to be like, "who won the war, HMMMM, US." There for you shouldn't be mocking us because even though we won, we let you in the union and you get all the same freedoms that we do.

Sorry about the tangent there. We also ate at this place called Pork N' Loin that was really good. They had bbq baked potatoes. Sounds strange but tastes really good.

Sunday was church all day and then a long day of driving. I was nice to see old friends but the idea of driving so far is a bit mind boggling. There are so many times that I wanted to just give up on driving. Today I got to stop and see my cousin for a few minutes which was a welcome break from all of the driving. So as I do laundry and all of the school work that I am so far behind on, I will look back on this weekend and smile, but man am I tired.

Home Again

After a week of not knowing what was going on and changing plans, I have once again retured home. AHH yeah home, the one place I dislike most to be.

Not once have I heard that it is nice to have me home again or that I was even missed and I was gone for five days, which really isn't long but it is for me. Once I get laundry done. I will write more.