Different

I know the title really leaves some questions about how I am feeling or where this in fact could be headed but I just feel different. I was up late last night sick and this gave me some more time to think which I really didn't need at the moment. Over analyzing is something that I have made an art form. I know that faith is what we are supposed to have but sometimes it just isn't that easy. Okay perhaps it should be but for me it isn't. I know that all of this is going to turn out fine, and this journey I call life will eventually find the correct path and I will be forced to be at peace about it all. So what do I do with all of the stuff that seems to be getting in the way.

I got a rather long lecture about how God gives you the desires of your heart but more and more I wonder. I want to be married, I want to start a family, I want a career, I want so much and I simply don't have it. I know that I must be in line with what God wants in my life but right now I have no idea what that is. I hope to sit down with my pastor's wife to have a talk here in the near future. I just need a semi impartial point of view. I have realized that the role of preachers wife can be very difficult and I think that I want to be one. I would love to be able to help my husband when he is working on his sermon, cleaning the church and leading young people to understand why the church does the things that it does and why sometimes it simply doesn't make sense. I want a preacher God am I worth, only you will tell me.

Last night was strange mom was at work when Kyle got home and he asked me to bring out a gun so that he could shoot a possum that eating the cat food in the garage. Once I got out there, there were in fact not one but two possums in the garage but this wasn't true either. So standing there with the gun, a pitchfork, and a flash light felling very redneck I waited for Kyle to come up with some kinda of plan to kill the possum that has been causing so many problems. As he started to rearrange the boards we were quick to discover that our two possums had quickly become three. My ears are still ringing, several shots were fired in the garage, not by me because I simply couldn't do it. Mom and Kyle took care of those ugly little animals and got rid of them which made a bunch a happy cats because now they can eat their own food and sleep in their house. But it did make for an eventful night.

So today I don't feel real great and have yet another doctors appointment so I am off for a while...I will let you all know how today goes.