Reality

I know that I often wish that reality wasn't real because then it would be so much simpler to live outside the consequences of my actions, thoughts, ideals, or whatever else I tend to let myself hold back with. There are so many different issues that are running around in my brain right now that it is simply impossible to put them all together into something that seems to flow logically. Have you ever tried to rearrange a deck of cards and didn't have them all in your hand. That is how I am currently feeling.

Life has decided to show me that some/many of the choices that I have made were stupid at best. What do I do with my own stupidity? I could so easily pretend that it hasn't happened and move on outside of it. Not being forced to dwell on the things that I have done. That seems to be to be the easiest road out. But then I think about something I told, you guessed it Eric, a few weeks ago..."Just because it is easy doesn't make it right." The ideas running around my head are all over the map. You know how it gets when you are thinking about one option then suddenly a second or third pops into your head and you are forced to consider it before you can even act on the first one.

Now it is a big fat what the heck do I do? For those who know what is going on it isn't as simple as just making a choice...I have to take each choice and weigh the consequences of that choice one at a time. If...Then if you will. If I choose A what will be B. If I choose B what will be C and so on. So now I sit here thinking about what if A then what about B. I don't know to be truly honest and I don' t think I will at all for the next few weeks. If I make the logical choice then what do I do with the stupidity of it. If I make the hard choice what I do I do with the ramifications of it. All these questions not one answer, talk about being stressed out. What about who I will become even further in the future? Each choice I make will affect how the rest of my path will unfold before me. Which twists and turns am I willing to deal with? How will those who will be affected the most deal with all of the ramifications that come with the choices I make. I know that there are so many different things that will be affected as time goes on. I just don't know what they will be.

Choices....Choices....Choices....what to do with what I have. HMMMM.....