Finding It?

Tonight at church I stood and cried, really cried, and it hurt and I felt pulled in a thousand different directions and don't know where to put all that anger and frustration.

God really talked to me this evening and now I have to learn how to listen. I want to know what is going on in my world and I want to know now and I am not getting the answers that I want to hear. I don't like the emotions running around inside of me and I don't like that fact that I give control to God and as a result I loose it myself.

Pastor Cox spoke on finding things we have lost in our salvation. I had lost my path, and slowly started working my way down my own path. I didn't like to cry, where everyone can see, because to me then everyone is thinking about the fact that I am crying and that I have something to be hiding, or that I have done something wrong. If you loose a camera you loose memories and you have to use you memory to keep pulling them back, often we loose our 'salvation' camera and have to pull those memories up from the back of our head and look at them.

What have I lost in my anger, in my lies, in my hurt, in my emotions, what? It is hard to say because it is lost and I am want things to be better and I hope and pray that they will be. I will find what I am looking for, I am sure. So now I just have to be looking because I don't exactly know what that is.