Small things

There are small things that God wants us to do that to us seem like they are the biggest deal you may ever face. Faith and following is all He asks from us and so often we don't do any of those things. He wants us to worship Him because of who He is and what He did for the world and yet often we feel alone. Pastor had many great points this evening including you are never to young to take a stand for God. You can be 8, 16, or any other age and stand up for what you know is right.

I have had these feelings often lately because of a changing world around me. I can stand in a room full of people and feel like there is no one there to stand beside me. I feel like I have been hung out to dry and I don't know what to do with it. I feel this way now. This morning pastor spoke about being put through the test. God will test you to make sure that you are ready for what is ahead. He will check your spirit to make sure it is as committed as it needs to be. The problem for me is that I have noticed recently I am not as steadfast as I would like to be and I often stumble and fall on my face. I want to step out and be there with God and reach these lost people but I have no idea how to do it. I don't want to put myself out there to be hurt and that is hard for me. I know that not everything goes as smoothly as we would like and that doesn't make anything better either.

Friday I was very sick and didn't know what to do. I knew that there was something very wrong and didn't even try to stop it. I just let things happen and now I feel nearly completely emotionless. I don't feel like I have a heart and I am not the most pleasant person to be around. My emotions are gone and I don't feel anymore. I am sure that I should be upset or heart broken but yet I am not. I know that there are things that need to be done and that I should be feeling and yet nothing. Why don't I feel hurt like I should? Right now I should be sad and upset yet I am strangely relieved that I can move on with my life. I know to many this makes no sense but to me it really doesn't either.

As my life continues to change around me, it is not easy not that I really expected it to be but for some reason there seem to be more changes than I was ready to deal with. Here comes another week look out. Full speed ahead.