Journaling

Journaling is something that I take pride in and enjoy doing very much. It also aids in allowing me to see where I am coming from and how I deal with so many emotions. I know that there are times that my journal is just a rant and I do apologize for that. I also know that this pattern will repeat itself over and over. I also want this journal to be a opportunity for my friends who are off in different parts of the country and world to keep up with some of the aspects of my life. I suppose I started journaling because both my cousin and one of my best friend do it and it is how I keep up with their lives so it only made since to start one up myself and now it is one of the nicest things I have done.

When I sit down to write I'm thinking about what I have to do on that day or the concerns that keep running through my mind or what I have to do that hasn't been completed yet. There are many times that what is worrying me or what I am fretting about is not as big a deal as they seem at the time and that is hard for me. I am going to be fine. God has control of my life, even when I don't like it and even when I want to have control.

This week was a rough week and I haven't felt well the whole week and that has been adding stress to my life. Yesterday my aunt saw me at work and it is very obvious that I am tired and completely drained and she actually said something about it to me and to my cousin which I am not used to. She usually doesn't take a caring role in my life. It is nice to know that even those who you don't think ever care are able to care occasionally. I talked with Staci for a few moments last night and it was nice, she however was a tired as I feel and went to bed, I'm glad she had a good birthday and is such a wonderful girl. Have I mentioned that I miss her and I want to go see her when I get the chance.

Trying to figure out this whole move thing has really started to take is toll on me. I know that I am moving to Salt Lake, the question now becomes when. Until late Thursday night it was the day after Christmas and now I am not sure if that is going to happen like I want it to. I want to leave on December 26 so bad that I can taste it but the reality of it is that the first six months of my year are nearly booked. I am two weddings, there are three graduations (Eric, Kyle, Sarah) that I must be in attendance for, and life is continue to happen when I am away. I know that these are some of the same choices that I will be making the years to come while I am out west but how to make them is a bit harder than I want them to be.

Reading Eric's site after he got home from his camping trip it appears that he spent much time putting things together about where he wants to go and now he simply has to figure out how he plans on getting there. (www.ericbradley.com) Have I mentioned how much his friendship means to me and how I hate to think of a world without him around? It's true that is how much he means to me and I don't know why, even when we lived further apart I thought of him all the time so now that he is so close I think of him more. I drive through his campus everyday, literally, and say a prayer for him that his day would go well or that he would be happy with all the choices that go into being in college, and there are a lot of them. In the event you read this...I miss you Eric!!!!

Today is a semi busy day, but on the upside I don't have to go work, which will be nice because I savor any time off I get. Birthday parties at my grandparents house for my grandpa, aunt Diane, uncle Danny, and possibly one more but I can't remember who's. Then hopefully coffee with my cousin, Staci if you read this call my cell phone, and then hope to do school work and stuff before I go lay in bed and not sleep, like I have several nights this past week. I am feeling a bit better today but I am not sure how long it is going to last. So as I go take a shower everyone have a great day.