Everything Changes

I sit here today nearly in tears, to be honest I have cried several times already and have tried to get my emotions under control. My best friend in the world, Elaina, left today to move to Tennessee for good. I can't believe how much I am going to miss her and she only left a few short hours ago. I know that this is where she is to go but it seems so different when you sit and think about the fact that this part of her life is now over and she is going to be moving on without many of us. Her wedding is still nearly six months away but her time here in good old Warsaw is done. It makes me want to cry again, because there will be no more late night talks, pointless drives, or Mexican Wednesdays, which had all become a large part of our lives.

I know that I have little room to talk as I start to align myself to start my life in a different part of the country as well but it just makes everything I am planning seem so much more real that it ever did before. I don't know 100% what the future holds but I sure wish I did, but I do know that change is the only thing that seems to stay the same in my life.

I am wondering what in the world is going on in my world, I am sure that I am leaving, as I have said several times before but everything seems to be getting more and more complicated as I proceed toward this ultimate goal. I wanted to be there by the end of the month but it is now clear to me that this will simply not happen. I am not however giving up on the changes that are about to take place in my own life. There is no reason to think that I can't be there by the first of the year but who knows, maybe it will be longer. Remember the comment out the fact that the person I love would have to make the first move in order for me to remain interested, well, I am forced to think that perhaps it has happened and now I don't know what to do with that either. If this is in fact what both of us want will I wait to move till he can come with me??? I don't really know, or perhaps in the next few weeks I will realize that this is not in fact what I want in a relationship or in a move.

I am forced to be in half a state of panic because of all the questions that are running around in my head. There are moments when I want to cry, scream, laugh uncontrollable at the humor of it all, or beat my head against the wall as I try to gather everything into easily controllable compartments in my brain. So as I reorganize I am forced to spend a lot of time on my knees to see what is going to happen. So Here I go..Putting it all together.